Monday, March 14, 2011

The One About the New Mums Group [June 2007]

Dear everyone
Our little blonde bombshell is now almost five weeks old and gaining weight steadily.  We are thinking of enrolling her in sumo classes, because according to the highly technical weighing she had yesterday (using the kitchen scales and a washing basket) she has gained over half a kilo in the past fortnight, and a kilo since birth!  No wonder my back is so sore.
 Maternity leave has been great fun – I have lots of lovely lunches and morning teas with friends and family.  All the ‘baby weight’ that dropped off after the birth seems to have gotten lonely and has come back.   It’s hard to watch two hours of Kerri-Anne without a block of chocolate! Actually, it’s hard watching Kerri-Anne full stop. Huey’s Cooking Adventures on the other hand is great, and I am getting some lovely ideas for dinners!
I went to one of the ‘new mum’ afternoon teas run by the hospital.  What an eye-opener.   40 women and babies means 40 prams, some the size of a Rav 4! We had to queue to get through the door.  Because this session was for babies aged between 1-8 weeks, it meant that for a lot of us it was our first session.   We all stood nervously, talking to our babies because we were too shy and zombified to talk to each other.  You had to sign in, put name stickers on yourself, your baby, your pram and your forehead.  Not really.  Then you left your baby in the company of the ‘volunteers’ (four old dears wearing white aprons) and wandered into the main room which was still set up in the ‘lecture’ style seating from the prenatal classes they also run.
I admit I thought it would be a small group of women, having coffee and Tim Tams chatting to each other about how beautiful their baby was, and trying to outdo each other with how well they are coping.  Uh uh, it was the complete opposite! It was a huge group of women (having coffee and Tim Tams) telling horrible stories about their babies, their breasts, their husbands, lack of sleep, lack of milk, lack of bodily functions, babies getting sick, mums getting sick, nipples falling off, things falling apart.  I sat there stunned, fidgeting, thinking about all the terrible things that can happen to babies, and wishing I was at home watching Kerri-Anne.
The volunteers were there to comfort any of the babies that cried, but if they couldn’t be settled or needed a feed they would pick the baby up and stand just inside the door.  All the mum’s heads would swivel in the direction of the door every time it opened, and the offending mum would slink off in the direction of the screaming baby. Few of them returned!! Occasionally a volunteer would be standing there with a baby for ages and no one would claim it, so they would wander up and down the aisles and we would all giggle because when the Mum finally noticed it was her child, she would be really embarrassed – one woman knocked over her coffee and dropped her Tim Tam in her hurry to grab her child.  She never returned!! By the end of the session, only five babies remained in the pram room (Baby Bombshell included) – all the others were attached to a breast or had been taken home by their mortified mothers.  Apparently the Bombshell never made a sound.  She made up for it when we came home though, and she screamed for the next day and a half!
Last week, while enjoying a Devonshire tea with a friend (it’s a tough life) I was playing with my  bub’s little feet and almost cried when I noticed that her little toes were all curled up because her feet were too big for her suit!!  I had bought the 0000 suit only 2 weeks earlier because she was too little for her 000 suits... now some of her 00 suits are beginning to fit.  My little girl is growing up so fast.  She’s doing a lot of grown up things!  This morning she was actually dancing to Justin Timberlake.  She rolls her eyes when I make stupid jokes.  She knows how to manipulate men.  And she uses her wily charms to make everyone fall in love with her.
Me, I am doing pretty good.  Apart from letting my child listen to Justin Timberlake and eating too much chocolate, I feel like I am coping well with the ‘new mum’ gig.  I try and eat something green every day (and not just Peppermint Aero), I try and get out of my pyjamas every day (and not only because there is baby vomit on them) and I baby talk to complete strangers only about half the time.
There was that time I bought boy nappies by mistake, but in my defence the word ‘boys’ is very small and not immediately apparent.  I now realise that the box is blue for boys and pink for girls, but I try and not be so rigid in my stereotypes!!!
 Anyway, that’s it from us for today.  It’s such a beautiful day I might pop bub in the pram and go for a walk.  Or I might lie on the couch and watch Kerri-Anne with the block of Top Deck I just bought. ..

Love always

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