'That's a very pretty dress,' Hayley the sonographer said to the Mop. 'Let's tuck it up a bit so we don't get anything on it.'
The Mop lay on the adult-sized table, looking small and vulnerable, yards of pink taffeta tucked up under her chin. She looked at Hayley with her enormous grey eyes.
'Are you the doctor?' the Mop asked her. 'You are, because you're a girl.'
I'm glad that at the tender age of three the Mop knows that girls can do anything and she doesn't assume that doctors have to be men.
The sonographer just smiled. 'I am going to take some pictures of your tummy. I will start by putting some of this jelly on it.'
The Mop sat up a bit to watch the goo being squeezed onto her tummy. A towel had been tucked into her Beauty and the Beast knickers. Knickers I only put on her because I knew that she wouldn't wee.
We were in the bowels of the hospital. So far from daylight that the air was thick with the silent hum of recycled air. We were getting an ultrasound for the Mop's bladder and kidneys, checking if there was a medical reason for her extraordinary inability to wee.
When toilet training, most mums put knickers on their kids and pray that they won't wee. I have gotten to the stage that I hope she will wee. I am aching for an accident, begging for a puddle on the floor. The Mop sometimes won't wee for 12 hours. Daycare is concerned. The family is concerned. It raised a red flag with my GP.
I am concerned, because if there is no medical reason, that only leaves psychological reasons. You have to love it when the doctor uses the word 'neurosis' about your three year old.
I couldn't stop yawning though. 'Mummy needs a coffee,' I said offhandedly to the Mop.
Mop turned to the sonographer. 'Do you have a coffee for my Mummy?' she asked politely.
We both laughed. 'That's very thoughtful of you,' Hayley told her. I didn't get a coffee though.
'Is that a TV?' the Mop asked pointing to a blank screen on the wall.
'It is. Would you like to see the pictures of your tummy?' The sonographer pulled out a remote control, turning the screen on. 'That's your wee,' Hayley told her pointing a large black section.
The Mop regarded the spotty black and white images for a few minutes before lying back and closing her eyes. 'I like Dora better,' she announced.
After a very thorough examination the sonographer went to discuss the results with the paediatric radiologist. The wait felt excruciatingly long as the Mop had been fasting for hours and was desperate to go home.
It was all clear. No observable obstructions. Just a bladder like a steel trap apparently.
I wonder if that showed up on the scans.
'Is my tummy okay?' asked the Mop.
'Your tummy is fine,' I reassured her.
Now I just have to figure out what to do next.