Tuesday, February 5, 2013

My Two Week Wait Diary

Around the time I began thinking about having Baby Number Three I read about the Two Week Wait Diary: a diary you keep for that excruciating period of time between having baby-making sex and either the arrival of your period or two blue lines.

This is my Two Week Wait Diary in one of the months prior to falling pregnant with Franken-baby.

Warning: contains mentions of - OMG - sex. Don't read on if you feel faint or plan on getting cranky with me for mentioning it.

I’m ashamed to admit I have resorted to ovulation tests already.  Two months of negative pregnancy tests are enough. I have so much admiration and pain for women who take months or even years to fall pregnant. But I am very impatient, now I have decided I want a third baby, I want it now.

Quickly, before I change my mind.

Finally, a positive ovulation test.  I was surprised how awkward I felt telling my husband that "tonight, tomorrow… might be good."  He clearly had no idea what I was talking about. 

Was I going to have to draw him a picture? Thank god for the male libido, he didn’t need much encouragement once he figured out what I meant.

I think he is really enjoying this baby-making gig, and is probably praying secretly that it takes months and months for me to fall pregnant. We had a house-guest tonight, so I was waiting long after my normal bedtime for hubby to come upstairs and attend to business. 

Afterwards I couldn’t help sticking my legs up in the air for a bit, but not for long: my stomach muscles aren’t as strong as they once were.

Had a girls lunch today and while everyone ordered wine, I stuck with water.  There were a few raised eyebrows.  I swear they were kicking each other under the table. Feeling a little nauseous but it could just be wishful thinking. 

How ridiculous that I want to be nauseous.

It’s hard not to let myself get carried away with the wishing and worrying.  I spent a few hours in the garden lugging heavy pots around and all the while I was wondering whether it was wise or not.  Every time I bent over to pull up a weed and my tummy felt big I got excited that it is my uterus growing already. 

In reality, it’s just 4 years of playgroup and mothers’ group morning teas and too much chocolate after dinner.

Hubby popped home in the middle of the day and took me upstairs.  Obviously he is taking the baby-making very seriously and I didn’t have the heart to tell him the window of opportunity is probably over this month. 

Caught up with a friend for a toddler play-date, she was also at lunch on Saturday.  She admitted she was excited when she saw I didn’t order wine but says I look too well to be pregnant.  She’s right.  I don’t feel at all ill today, and I am pretty disappointed.

I have made myself promise that I won’t do a pregnancy test until at least Friday.  It’s pretty difficult not to, even though I know I would get a negative result even if I was pregnant.  However there are 27 pregnancy tests in the bathroom cupboard calling out to me, and it is all I can do not to go and just wee on the stick just in case…

I think I am normally quite a rational, intelligent woman, but I seem to have gone slightly stupid in my preoccupation with getting pregnant.

No testing until Friday.

I have done three pregnancy tests, one last night and two today.  It’s a good thing I buy these things in bulk because I knew they would be negative.  Maybe tomorrow: Friday is 7 days past conception and according to the packet, I could show a positive result.


Last night we went for dinner at a friend’s house.  I think she was trying to test me.  She offered me beer, wine, and soft cheeses including one imported from France.  Unpasteurised naturally.  I had them all. I don’t feel very pregnant.

I actually didn’t want to do the test this morning. A negative today would spell failure for this month.  I tried putting it off but I really, really needed to pee. It was negative.

I feel sad and disappointed, a little bit anxious, a bit like a failure, resigned and quite frustrated. I want it to be next month already. How do women do this for months on end? How does it not become all encompassing?

It’s all I can think about, and I know that I fall pregnant relatively easily.

I found myself talking with different female friends today about how I felt – one childless by choice, one 35 weeks pregnant with her second child. 
I didn’t discuss it at all with my husband.  Is that weird?

Still negative. I need to stop doing this to myself. It’s like I am trying to punish myself at the same time as deluding myself. Give it a rest, Shannon.

Three days later…

I am gobsmacked.. Yesterday I sat with my sister telling her that I wasn’t pregnant. Then I’m not sure why, but I did another test this morning. Very slowly, a very faint line has appeared.
There are definitely two lines.  I am pregnant. I don’t feel pregnant.  I haven’t been behaving like I am pregnant – wine, anti-inflammatories, lots of ‘illegal’ foods. 
And last night I began to doubt whether I should have another.  Really began to doubt.  Yet this morning, there are two lines. 
Why did it take so long?
Oh my god, I’m having another baby!

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