What a difference a year makes.
Last Mother's Day I was standing in the local pharmacy, my 16 month old at my feet, my four year old sniffing around the glucose jellybeans. I was hovering in front of the pregnancy tests.
I was embarrassed. I had ordered 25 cheap pregnancy tests online but I couldn't wait the extra day or two for them to arrive. I needed to know. Immediately.
I thought I was pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant.
The look on the chemist's face clearly told me that he thought I would be mad to be pregnant again. By this stage, my two children had started fighting over a balloon display and had knocked over a lifesized cardboard cut-out of an old man advertising laxatives. Maybe he had a point.
I bought a bunch of expensive gifts for myself, hoping to 'hide' the pregnancy test amongst them. Trying to pretend that it wasn't the most important part of the expedition. I paid my money and took my children home.
At home I excused myself from my own Mother's Day and went upstairs to pee on a $16 stick.
I had already convinced myself I was pregnant. I thought Mother's Day would be a nice day to find out I was pregnant.
Turned out to be an ironic day to find out that I wasn't going to be a mother for the third time.
The disappointment I felt merely cemented my feelings that I wanted another baby.
One year later...
This Mother's Day was my first as a mother of three. Things are a bit crazy in a house of five, and my husband proved he clearly had no idea when Mother's Day actually was when he took me out for breakfast the weekend prior.
I only informed him of the correct date after he had paid the bill.
He offered to take me out again the following week, but instead I asked for him and the kids to make me breakfast. I waited in bed until the Bombshell came to get me. Flowers on the table. And a few aphids. A specially designed placemat. Bacon, liberally coated in maple syrup (thanks Nigella). Pancakes, eggs. Bliss.
The kids didn't get around to making a card, and my present is a bit of a DIY affair, but I have had the pleasure of having the Bombshell sing Mother's Day songs to me for the past couple of week, courtesy of her pre-primary teacher.
"Five little mummies I know best
Fat ones, thin ones, tall ones too.
But the one in the middle, who belongs to me,
I love her and she loves me."
I hope you had a great Mother's Day.