For the past few days it has been just my baby and I, the two of us in our own little world while her big sister is at Grandma's and Daddy was away. The house has been quiet and we have spent many hours on the floor as she learns to crawl and begins to explore an increasingly larger space. I have been falling in love with her over and over again.
It almost hurts, the love I feel for my children. There is a fierceness there that doesn't exist in any other type of love, mixed with tenderness, and pride, and fear. The exquisiteness of this type of love has been beautifully portrayed by Lilly Blue at http://www.littleboattree.com/2010/11/held.html and the ache doesn't go away just because the child is absent. Or being annoying.
Yesterday I watched my two beautiful daughters at a family gathering, and I couldn't have been more proud. I may be falling apart, wrinkling, spreading, with soggy biscuit on my cardigan and in need of some TLC, but my children are so perfect, so bright and sparkling and through them I feel renewed. Purposeful.
I wish I could bottle this feeling of right now, so I can bring it out again and again, as the girls become tweenies, and teenagers and hopefully one day mothers themselves. I write because it is the closest thing I have to recording a feeling, or capturing an emotion, to remind me of how it feels when things are still new, and bright and sparkling.