I only ever wanted two girls.
It was something I had assumed, known and believed for most of my adult life, and probably for years beforehand. Two children, two daughters.
Of course, my Mum will tell you that I went through a phase in high school when I told her I wanted multiple babies to multiple fathers of all different colours. I'm sure she was absolutely horrified, though she probably just smiled and nodded at the time.
I imagine she would have been quite relieved when I met - and married - my husband, almost exactly 11 years ago. (Side note - what lovely gemstone can I expect for 11 years of marriage? Am I up to diamonds yet?)
The reason I assumed I would have two daughters is because, simply put, our family does not do boys. My Grandma had two daughters and each of them had two daughters. I have two daughters and my sister had a daughter.
And then she had a boy.
This was weird because I had also assumed that she would have two daughters. A nephew did not feature in my grand plans. Luckily, plans are made to be changed because it is fabulous having a little man in the family.
So what does that have to do with me?
Well, I am very confused at the moment, because I have my two beautiful girls, two of the most precious gifts I have ever received, but I think I want more. I am not sure if I am done.
It could be because Miss Curly Mop is still at that beautiful age where she is all innocence and light. She is just starting to walk, and is vulnerable and brave. The Blonde Bombshell has started Kindy, she is growing up and moving away. Curly Mop does not yet talk... and does not yet talk back.
Perhaps it is just a trick of the light, this wanting more. That window of sanity after the night time feeds of a new baby but before the tantrums of toddlerhood. Maybe I will feel differently when Miss Curly Mop approaches 18 months, and I am sticking rolled up ToysRUs catalogues in my ears so I cannot hear the whining and arguments.
How do you know? How do you know whether you should take that next step and try for a third baby?
Having a third baby changes everything. You need a bigger car. A bigger kitchen table. And 99% of family passes in this world are for two adults and two children. What if you have three kids? Do you just leave one of them in the car?
Some people say I should just be happy with what I have, especially since I have what I always wanted. Some say I shouldn't tempt fate.
Some say you can never regret having children and having three means there is just more love in your family.
What do you say?
How do you know?