Thursday, February 2, 2012

Lessons In Love

Lesson 1: Happily Ever After Only Lasts One Day

The Bombshell and I were playing with her Barbie dolls and she decided that Ariel (aka The Little Mermaid, dressed in an obscenely short dress) was going to marry Prince Eric, who had no pants.

My job as assistant, was to dress all the wedding guests, which was fine by me because who doesn't love dressing up Barbie dolls.

'So what happens at the wedding?' I asked the Bombshell as I squeezed a doll into a swimsuit and dressing gown.

'They get wedding-ed and then everyone has a party', she replied. 'No Mum, put the pink dress on that one.  She looks beautiful-est.'

I was curious if she had any concept of what marriage was.  She understood the fancy dress, the wedding guests, the party, and was quite happy with the concept of the kiss [though I wish Eric was wearing pants before he had a long pash with Ariel in front of all the Bombshell's teddy bears].

'But what does it mean when you get married to someone?', I pressed.

'It means you have to be nice to each other for the rest of the day,' she told me. 'That's what getting wedding-ed means.'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Lesson 2: Don't Believe Everything the Books Tell You

All the books tell you that you should pop a note into your kids lunchbox because it makes them feel special. Ok.

So yesterday being the first day of pre-primary for the Blonde Bombshell, I duly wrote her a note and stuck it in with her vegemite sandwich and grapes.  I felt pretty warm and fuzzy for being such a good mum.  It almost made up for the fact I forgot to put suncream on her when it was going to be 38 degrees (that's 100.4 Fahrenheit for my US readers).

I forgot about the note until I went in to give her a final kiss goodnight.

'I got your note, Mum,' she said, not even looking up from her book.

'Oh yes,' I said expecting a big cuddle and kiss because I was such a good Mum.

'I threw it in the bin,' she said looking me in the eye.

I felt like I had been smacked in the face with a wet nappy. Like she had reached in and grabbed my heart.

'What?  Why, did you read it?' I asked her.

'Yes,' she said. 'It said 'Dear L... I love you, from Mummy'. But I already knew that, so I threw it in the bin.'

I quite honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry at this point.

'It was a silly note,' she added for good measure. May as well stomp on Mummy's heart and give it a good kick.

'Ok,' I said, standing up from the bed.  Bemused would be an adequate word to describe how I felt.

When I reached the door, she reached out, grabbed my mangled heart, and tossed it against the wall.

'No more notes for me, please Mummy.'

Stupid books, what do they know anyway?


  1. Oh no! You poor thing, but still that's hilarious! So all this stuff about putting notes in your kids' lunchboxes (I have seen that everywhere too) needs to come with a big warning that not all kids care!

    Good to know that she knows you love her though, I suppose?!

  2. That's so deeply upsetting and screamingly hilarious all at once. I'm devastated for you but can't resist chuckling at the same time.

  3. Well I was going to do the loving-note-in-lunchbox thing but after reading this I might just save myself the effort... or perhaps I should find a book of cheesy kid jokes and put one of those in every day instead!!

  4. Oh dear.... I bet that was a little hard to hear!
    Considering I just shared my second set of lunch box notes, I'll forgive you if you never visit my blog ever, ever, ever.


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