How Dyslexia Affects My Daughter

My youngest daughter was diagnosed with severe dyslexia at the end of Year 1. 

Getting the diagnosis wasn’t a big shock, we had suspected she had an issue from the time she was at Kindy; Pre-Primary was a mess of a year, and by the start of Year 1 we had begun the long testing process. We also watched her daily struggle, so putting a name to it came as a relief in some ways.

Having a diagnosis has undeniably helped. It allows her to label some of her challenges, to put them in a box and say to herself – and others – ‘that’s my dyslexia, that’s not me’.

From the very start she has owned her dyslexia. We haven’t tried to hide it, and I have encouraged her to talk about it with her classmates and friends. She stands up and talks about it as a news topic, her teacher referenced it on her Merit Certificate - and I strongly believe this has helped stem any possible teasing and bullying.

My daughter is now only weeks away from the end of Year 2. Yet her ability to read, write, spell and understand certain maths concepts is probably that of a Pre-Primary student. She’s a smart kid though. Dyslexia is not related to intelligence, and most dyslexic kids test to be above average intelligence. 

All dyslexics experience different strengths and challenges, and like many things, it operates on a continuum. This is how dyslexia affects my daughter:

Poor sense of word recall – she often struggles to find the word she wants to use to describe or explain something. As a result she will use an incorrect word or simply make one up, which can be kind of cute.

Difficulty hearing sounds – she has difficultly hearing or distinguishing between certain sounds. This has a knock on effect for both speech and spelling.

Poor concept of time – she has difficulty understanding the abstract notion of time and cannot grasp the difference between waiting for an hour and waiting for a year. The language of time, is therefore lost on her and she will talk about things happening yesterday when in fact she means tomorrow.

Poor speech – as she unable to hear certain sounds, she cannot replicate them, leading to difficulties with her speech.

Poor spelling – if you cannot hear or say sounds, then it makes sense that you won’t be able to use them when you are writing. When writing she often leaves out vowels and misses adjacent consonants.

Poor letter recognition and formation – she struggles to distinguish between similar looking letters such as b and d, n and h or similar sounding letter such as g and j. She has difficulty visualising diagonals and so letters such as K, M, W and V are either written incorrectly or she prefers to read and write them when they are in a curly text.

Confusion with left and right – if left unguided, she will often start reading a word from the right-hand side, for example she will read ‘got’ as ‘tog’.

Poor short-term working memory – if she correctly sounds out a new word on one page, she won’t necessarily remember it when she reads it on the next page. It will look like a new word and she will need to sound it out again. She may read the same word, three different ways over the course of a few minutes, for example ‘got’ as tog, get and got.

Slow processing - related to the working memory is the fact she processes information more slowly. It takes her longer to work through instructions, so if you give her a four step process, by the time you have finished telling her the last step, she's only just processed the second, and probably forgotten the first. She can do everything you ask, but not if you dump all the information on her at once. This is usually when people accuse her of 'not listening', but she is listening... she's probably listening very carefully - but she's just trying to recall the information that is rapidly slipping away.

Poor number recognition – while she is able to visually understand numbers and put them in the correct order, she cannot name them. Often she cannot tell you what a number is (for example ‘twelve’) without counting from 1 (ie 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-twelve).

There are compensations though.

From early on, before we realised she was struggling to comprehend the world around her, she had already begun to discover methods of coping. She would use her body in a way to describe words she couldn’t find the language for, and as a result, she has always been physical and animated. When she couldn’t find the word for banana, she would curve her hands into the shape of the fruit, or pretend to peel and eat it. Automatically we would provide the word ‘banana’ which she would repeat, and all the while we had no clue that she was having difficulty recalling the word begin with.

She is able to spot differences and see patterns that ordinary brains cannot. She has walked into a room where one small thing has changed and notice it immediately. She completed a nine square sudoku style puzzle in seconds, where instead of numbers, images of different types of weather had been used.

She always kicks my butt at Memory, and I've never once needed to 'let' her win. I wish she'd let me win once in a while.

She has uncanny long term memory, often dredging up a comment I made once, five years ago, or tearing up at the memory of a random event that happened when she was three. She will remember the faces of people she met once, or the precise location of her great-grandmothers grave, but she has no idea what her uncles' names are.

She has an incredible eye for detail - once with her speech therapist, we were playing a game where we each had a different game board. Each board had 100 images. A card with six images was dealt – but only one of those six images was present on each of the boards, so you had to look at a board with 100 items, while searching for six different images, only one of which was actually there (a bit like Where’s Wally). It meant you could spend most of your time looking for an image that wasn’t even there. Almost every time she would win, and then find the correct image on the other boards as well just to prove a point.

I believe she also has a level of insight towards others that comes directly from her own personal anxiety and sadness. She recognises these feelings in others, because she has experienced it herself, and as a result she can be very empathetic.

She is also very visual and creative, she loves drawing with fine levels of detail as a result of her intense observation.

She also has plenty of big ideas and makes connections between topics and concepts that would normally be beyond a seven year old. Truth be told, sometimes her statements are wildly left field and beyond the mortal brain of her mother (me), but I love her enthusiasm regardless.

I have been telling her stories about the many inspiring and successful people who have dyslexia and have achieved incredible things in their lives. She loves finding out that an actor she loves on TV or an author who wrote a book she enjoys also has dyslexia. She knows that although she will be challenged by her learning disorder, she won’t be limited by it – and tells me constantly that she can’t wait to see what amazing things she will do in her life.

I freely admit that before my own daughter was diagnosed, I hardly knew a thing about dyslexia. But chances are there will be one, two or even three children in every classroom in the country with it, diagnosed or not, so I think it’s important for all parents and teachers to know what it is.

Without a diagnosis, you might just think they are slow to learn, perhaps they are seen as the ‘naughty kids’ because they don’t concentrate in class or they’re disruptive. My daughter certainly was. You might see them as masters of procrastination, as they will do almost anything to avoid certain situations.

As she gets older, some aspects of her dyslexia will get better as she learns how to manage it, and others will get harder. I have no doubt that this is a lifetime journey that she’s on, and for the next decade at least, I will be right there alongside her.

To be continued...

25 Things I Wish I Knew Before I had Babies

I remember running into a friend who was pregnant with her first child. I had to look twice at her neat bump, as it looked a lot like my own cake baby*. But no, there were ultrasound images stuck on her fridge, unlike my fridge which just has shopping lists, reward charts and dozens of pictures from the girls in varying shades of texta.


My basic principle is that I don’t believe in scaring pregnant women with horror stories nor bragging to them about how brilliant your kids were. This isn’t just because I'm a nice person, but mainly because I have forgotten most of it.


However, there are things that I wish I had known before I had a child; things that have only crystallised in the years after having a baby. Maybe it would have helped manage my expectations. Maybe it would have helped manage the budget.

These are things I wish I knew before I had babies:


1. Have a birth plan but be prepared to chuck it out the window if necessary. I was adamant I was going to have an intervention-free natural birth. I ended up with an emergency c-section. Actually three c-sections. I wish I had known that just because I really wanted something, didn’t mean Mother Nature had read that particular memo. If you learn to be flexible now, it will save all sorts of hassles later on.


2. Learn how to use your car seats and assemble your pram before the baby arrives. Practice folding and unfolding your pram while holding a sack of potatoes in one arm, and a huge nappy bag strung across the other. Practice swaddling techniques on a large stuffed toy, or for more realism, a partially sedated cat. Seriously.


3. Prepare yourself for Day 3 blues, and make sure you (or a loved one) know the warning signs for post-natal depression.


4. If you enjoy reading books about pregnancy and babies, don’t forget to read about the first few months before the baby is born.


5. “Sleeping through the night” actually means only 5-6 hours in a row. It does not mean sleeping from 6pm-8am.


6. You can never buy enough toilet paper. We go through a roll a day, at least.


7. Tell your family and friends ‘no stuffed toys ever’. Ok, maybe one or two, but keep in mind they're notoriously difficult to get rid of/recycle/donate. If you or your partner are susceptible to asthma or allergies, put stuffed toys in the freezer regularly to kill dust mites.


8. Buy nappies and baby wipes in bulk. I could tell you how many nappies a baby goes through in the first year, but you’d probably start to cry. Baby wipes are a gift from heaven. I still carry them in my handbag and my youngest is now seven.


9. When your baby is ready to start solids, skip the bland, processed jar foods and make your own. Don’t be afraid to include real flavours like garlic and onion. If a baby gets used to bland food with no texture, chances are you will have a fussy eater by the time they hit school. I say that with bitter, bitter experience. Here is a recipe I used to make a rice-based baby food that can use with a range of proteins and vegetables.


10. Don’t take books, baby whisperers, routines or methods as gospel, especially anyone who calls themselves an 'influencer'. Take all unsolicited advice with a grain of salt. Repeat after me: smile and nod.


11. Don’t expect to get your pre-baby body back. Ever. Pregnancy changes you – for the better.


12. If someone wants to buy you an expensive gift, ask them for a small, handheld, rechargeable vacuum cleaner for the car. By the time you have a toddler, it will be your favourite appliance – even more than the coffee machine.


13. Repeat after me: you can leave the house. Babies are not a disability.


14. Keep a spare packed nappy bag in the car at all times, with a coin purse, a change of clothes, at least two nappies, something to lay your baby on and some wipes. Maybe a spare t-shirt for you too. Don't forget to update the clothes every now and then. I can speak from experience it's difficult to squeeze a one year old into 0-3 month clothing after they vomit everywhere and you left your regular nappy bag at home because this was 'just going to be a quick trip'.


15. Day-care waiting lists can be longer than the Great Wall of China. If you plan on returning to work put your name down for day-care when you are pregnant. You can always knock a spot back and ask to go back on the list, but the stress of trying to find childcare if you have to go back to work suddenly can be debilitating.


16. Chances are for the first six to twelve months of day-care, your child will get up to a dozen different childhood diseases and infections, no matter how expensive and clean your day care is. Make sure you have babysitting back-up if your workplace isn’t very flexible. If you don't send your kid to childcare, this usually means you will get all the childhood diseases and infections when they start school instead. You've been warned.


17. Pregnancy is not what it appears in the movies. It can be quite horrid. Labour goes for about 12-24 hours longer than movies would have you believe, and there are a lot more bodily fluids.


18. Eating a handful of dirt or having fluff on a dummy is not going to hurt your baby.


19. Baby brain/placenta brain/mummy brain is a real thing. You will temporarily turn stupid and keep dropping things. This should pass in approximately 8-10 years.


20. Buy the best camera you can afford, one that is capable of taking photos of fast action and video. Use it as often as you can but don’t forget to give the camera to other people and make sure you are in the picture too.


21. Breastfeeding is hard. It can really hurt too. If you can, go to a breastfeeding class before the baby arrives. If you can’t breastfeed, don’t stress: down the track, no one can tell the difference between a breast fed and a formula fed baby.

22. Things change quickly with babies, both good and bad. As soon as you are congratulating yourself that your baby sleeps eight hours a night, they will go through a growth spurt and want two-hourly feeds. Nothing stays the same. Be prepared for constant change.


23. Make time for your partner and time for yourself. This will make you a better parent, not a worse parent.


24. Get support. Find a mothers group, even an online support group. Find someone you trust and ask questions but never compare your child with others. It's been twelve years but I still see friends from my Mothers Group regularly.


25. Write it down. You will forget those precious memories. I wrote it down, and now it is Relentless.



*Cake baby: when you have a big round tummy from eating too much cake and people keep asking if you’re pregnant. ‘No, it’s just a cake baby,’ you tell them cheerfully.