When The Things You Teach Kids Come Back to Bite You

Today The Bombshell has a little friend over. As much as possible (without completely neglecting them) I try and not listen to their inane and competitive chatter. It’s usually infuriating and better for everyone if I’m not there.

But sometimes I can’t help but get caught up in their conversations.

‘Do you know that you are born with eggs in your tummy?’, the Bombshell suddenly announced to her friend over vegemite toast.

Her friend put down her sandwich. ‘I don’t have eggs in my tummy.’ She paused. ‘How do you know that?’

The Bombshell wiped her mouth, ‘My mummy told me.’

Awesome, I thought. Don’t drag me into this.

The friend shook her head. ‘I don’t want babies. I don’t have a baby in my tummy.’

It was the Bombshell’s turn to shake her head. ‘I want babies. Mum, even if you don’t want babies do you still have eggs in your tummy?’ she asked.

I had to get involved now. Direct request for information. ‘Yes. All baby girls are born with tiny eggs, although not every grown up lady goes on to have babies.’ Curious, I persisted. ‘Why don’t you want babies?’

The Bombshell – fountain of all knowledge – clearly thought she had the answer: ‘Because she doesn’t want to look after them.’

*  *  *

Not much later on they were doing my head in. One wanted to do a, b and c and the other wanted to do x, y and z. Clearly it was time to build a ring around them and hand them a pair of gloves. Fool.

‘Why don’t you kids watch a movie,’ I asked, rather stupidly. We had tried this last night, and it ended in tears. Three kids, five G-rated movies and no one could agree. Obviously the cold light of day would improve their negotiating skills. Fool.

The friend wanted to watch Strawberry Shortcake

But The Bombshell said she didn’t like Strawberry Shortcake. She wanted to watch ScoobyDoo.

But the friend didn’t like ScoobyDoo.

I had to get involved, and my preference was towards the munchkins dressed up as food products.

‘Why don’t you like Strawberry Shortcake?’ I asked the Bombshell.

‘I get scared when people get lost and upset,’ she told me.

I sighed. ‘But ScoobyDoo is full of zombies and witches. You’re not scared of them…’

It was her turn to sigh: ‘I’m not scared of zombies and ghosts because they’re not real mum.’

Complicated child.