When Words Come Out Wrong

Last week we received our daughter's pre-primary school report.

One comment by the teacher was the fact that sometimes the Bombshell is difficult to understand.  We have had her assessed by a speech pathologist and apart from a bit of a lisp, all her verbal failings are normal for five year olds and we were told not to worry.

So yesterday when I was outside on the verandah chatting to our builder, I was mortified when the Bombshell joined us outside and told me:

'You're a dick, Mummy.'

The builder stopped mid-sentence and just stared.

'Um, pardon?' I said, stunned.

'You're a dick, Mummy. Let's make jokes.'

The builder almost choked.  He discreetly turned around so he could laugh without encouraging the Bombshell and her potty mouth. 

'Do you know what you are saying?' I asked her, incredulous.

And fully expecting her to say 'school' I then asked her 'Where did you hear that word?'

'You said it,' she replied.

The builder was practically bent over double by this stage.

'Let's make jokes,' she repeated.

Now, the Bombshell is not known for her sense of humour.  I don't think many five year olds are.  They're too literal and don't understand things like sarcasm and subtlety, let alone what is appropriate to joke about.  A 'joke' she told me the other day went like this:

'Let's pretend the baby is dead.  Oh, there's a spider on your head!'.

Um, not funny.

But I needed to get to the bottom of this dick thing before the builder called DOCS on me.

I crouched down her height and looked her in the eye. 'I'm not sure I understand what you mean, can you explain what you are saying?'

She rolled her eyes at me and gestured towards the back of the house where we had a wooden deck.

'You're a dick, Mummy. Geddit?'

Oh.  A deck.

Not funny. 

Maybe we need to go back to the speech pathologist for another assessment.